Look, dude. I appreciate your work, really, I do. That whole… eating flies and mosquitoes, thing. I gotta use my toilet brush, though.
…I think I’ll move her to the kitchen.
I have a pretty big beard. It’s hard to say exactly how long it is, however, since my hair is naturally curly. Very curly. Even immediately after combing, as in this photo, it doesn’t look much more than six inches long.
Just now, though an unfortunate series of events, one of my beard hairs was plucked. I figured I may as well make the best of it, so broke out the measuring tape!
Taping the hair to a piece of paper seemed like a good place to start, to keep it visible and in one place. Since it was longer than the sheet of paper, I had to improvise.
Fourteen and a half inches! There’s no way of knowing how this hair compares to others, but I feel fairly confident in saying that if I used a hair straightener, my beard would be around one foot long!
BERRY BOSS, BRO. CHECK OUT MAH STRAWBS. GOT MAD STRAWBS UP IN THIS MUTHA.
So, when Walmart announced they were price matching “buy one get one free” offers from other stores, I didn’t think much of it. You usually see that kind of deal on things like store-brand cola. However, at the register today, the checker let me know that they were currently matching Publix’s BOGO deal on these strawberries. I was getting one anyway, so why NOT grab another for free? MAD STRAWBS BRAH.
Oh god, it’s true. They really are using this art on merchandise… AND they’ve jumped on the gluten-free bandwagon!
I just got an email from Zynga containing an annual report of my Words With Friends stats. Who knew this was a thing?
I woke up to Cleo desperately meowing for help. The only way she could’ve gotten on top of the dresser is from the bed, but nothing on the dresser is disturbed… and in fact it’s so cluttered up there that she was unable to get down. How did she get up there??
"Chesu," I have never been asked, "Why do you like yard sales so much?"
"Well, Ms. Scarlett Johansson," I didn’t reply, "It’s because yard sales are the kinds of magical places where you can get things like a small green vase (which I am known to collect), a couple of lighthouse coasters identical to a set your mother owns, a small decorative planter, and a Gamecube game, all for $1.25.”
I’d have paid that much for just the little vase, really… and it’s about half the price of the cat grass seeds I bought to put in the planter.
Oh, thesaurus.com. You are adorable.