The life and times of a man who thinks he is a carrot

License to Kill

A few weeks ago I was in Walmart fairly late at night… I don’t recall why, maybe I stopped to pick something up on my way home from game night at my younger sister’s apartment or something. In any case, I looked through the DVD bargain bin on a whim, and happened to find something great: a collection of seventeen movies for five dollars. That probably doesn’t SOUND too great, but hear me out.

The set was made up of three collections of movies, each in their own case. One was “5 Film Chuck Norris Collection”, another was “Denzel Washington Mark Wahlberg Action Pack  (4 Movies)”, and what caught my attention, “The Jackie Chan Collection (8 Film Set)”. That’s Armor of God, Armor of God 2, Project A, Project A 2, Supercop, Dragon Lord, Twin Dragons, and The Accidental Spy. Even if it’s the original 80’s dubs with no option for Cantonese with English subtitles (which it surely is), that’s well worth five dollars to me, making the rest of the movies kind of a nice bonus.

image


I finally had the chance to watch one of these movies last night. I decided to start with “License to Kill”, the Denzel Washington one. The young Denzel on the cover is kind of… Photoshopped to have smooth white/yellow skin, but you can’t deny how (pardonmyfrench) badass he looks. Denzel Washington, with a gun, in an Action Pack(ed) movie called License to Kill. Hell yeah!

It’s a feature length 1984 made-for-tv drama in which Denzel has a small role as the lawyer for a family whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver. The picture of Denzel used for the Action Pack is taken from License to Kill’s cover, which itself seems to have been a cash-grab using his name. I’m not sure where they got the gun.

I’ve heard of distributors taking early movies from an actor’s career and using the (now) big name to sell them. That’s technically what’s going on with the Jackie Chan movies, though the difference there is that those are all fantastic. This Denzel Washington thing is just shameless, though. He has about as much screen time as the girl who dies in the first ten minutes.

Now, I’m not going to say that I didn’t enjoy the film. It was okay. It has the washed out colors and poor audio mixing you’d expect of an old tv movie, and the acting is pretty hokey at times, but I can appreciate what they were trying to do with it. I just wish it had been the gun-toting Denzel Washington action movie I was promised. Ah well, I still have a great selection of Jackie Chan movies to look forward to, and five more that may feature a young, facial hair-free Chuck Norris in the background at some point. Maybe he’ll even kick someone. That’s not hoping for too much, is it?

Posted
5 hours ago

Look, spider. I know that I have a nice, cozy home, with plenty of delicious bugs and things for you to eat… but you’re not a web-builder. I’m sorry, but you’re just not what I’m looking for right now. Let me know if you learn to quietly kill mosquitoes in the corner of the window or something, mmm’kay?

Notes
1
Posted
2 days ago
No, yeah, it’s fine. It’s not like my body isn’t a big mound of scar tissue already.

No, yeah, it’s fine. It’s not like my body isn’t a big mound of scar tissue already.

Posted
3 days ago
The latest update to Drop Bot is all about the various roles objects play in the game, with a focus on some of the special objects that can have a major impact on gameplay. You can find the update (and information on the game in general) linked below.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chesu/drop-bot-a-free-game-for-ios-devices-featuring-you/posts/809683

The latest update to Drop Bot is all about the various roles objects play in the game, with a focus on some of the special objects that can have a major impact on gameplay. You can find the update (and information on the game in general) linked below.

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/chesu/drop-bot-a-free-game-for-ios-devices-featuring-you/posts/809683

Posted
3 days ago
seraphica:


Yes, it is 4 feet long. Made of super-soft orange fleece and filled with polyester fibers and bean bag filler, it is a huggable “body pillow” and molds to your embrace. The carrot tops are whisper soft, and at almost 2 feet long wrap them around yourself and pretend they belong to someone else.Do you still long for the carrot that got away? Its earthy smell and soft, fluttery leaves? When you were together, you felt so grounded. It was a healthy relationship.But now it is over.

[via]

Why you gotta do a thing?

seraphica:

Yes, it is 4 feet long. Made of super-soft orange fleece and filled with polyester fibers and bean bag filler, it is a huggable “body pillow” and molds to your embrace. The carrot tops are whisper soft, and at almost 2 feet long wrap them around yourself and pretend they belong to someone else.

Do you still long for the carrot that got away? Its earthy smell and soft, fluttery leaves? When you were together, you felt so grounded. It was a healthy relationship.

But now it is over.

[via]

Why you gotta do a thing?

Notes
59
Posted
4 days ago

…Eh? W—What?

…..

WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE REAL SAKHMET SOLITAIRE

Posted
6 days ago

neilcicierega:

fororchestra:

Brodyquest For Orchestra

iTunes, Bandcamp, Amazon, G+, More

Purchases support me and composer Neil Cicierega

Brodyquest: Gold Edition

Notes
2106
Posted
6 days ago

Pick Florida flower. Get Florida spider.

Ah well. It’s not like I mind spiders. I really don’t.

Notes
1
Posted
1 week ago

I think I prefer the teal mane and hair… It was a shame I couldn’t do anything to accent the green fur on the legs.

Notes
11
Posted
1 week ago

The new AC adapter I got for my laptop has an insanely bright blue LED on it.It may not look like much, but in the last photo, you’re seeing the ceiling. That dark patch to the right is the shadow of the arm of my recliner. This thing is bright enough to cart shadows on the ceiling. If I want to get any sleep, I’m going to have to flip the thing over so that the LED is pointed at the floor.

Posted
1 week ago
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